better surroundings.

never have i given myself the resposiblity for bettering my surroundings. i have always blamed my problems on other people and not taken credit for the things that i actually have done well. as a crazy mix up of the battle of wills, i make mistakes and now know that putting my trust in all the wrong people is the biggest mistakes i can make. i am learning and improving everyday, like we all are...now i just need to learn what the right step forward will be and how to go about getting it done.
my roomate situation as many of you warned me about is completely basic rule of abandoned. i couldn't believe it at first, but now....good riddence. know what i mean? yes it puts me in a tough position,, but i am definetly better off, now i have to make the decisions i needed to make a long time ago. fight or flight. i thought what i was doing was fighting, unfourtunatly i was fighting for the wrong side. if only someone could tell me what the hell i was thinking!!!
not that i need someone else to tell me that i was being an idiot. (like another friend of mine posts on her site, you cant tell me my faults, i know them already) well i do now anyway!!! this is the time to move forward and realize that what i had was everything i never knew i always wanted, i just didnt recognize it. it was not how i pictured it, so i just didnt see it. isnt that funny how our ideas can confuse reality so much that we believe our ideas are more right then reality??
deal with reality on realities terms...a new concept to me and yet i always should have known it. so onward and upward i say, soon we shall see the day when i knows what the hell i'm doing.